Whatever anything is, it should start by being personal. You’d be surprised what a solid handshake, some eye contact and a smile will do. Let’s not forget that other people are just that - people. Whatever situation you encounter people in, try being a little more friendly to them, and carry yourself a little more dignified. Start by tightening up your handshake - everyone loves a solid handshake - and smile.
27 Comments »
Dem's fightin' words...
Ronalfy said:
Nobody likes getting their arm yanked out of their socket though. Sometimes handshakes can be too firm.
I made a comment to a friend recently, “I’m not one to start small talk” when I was trying to talk my way out of attending a Easter social where there would be mostly parents with kids.
My friend smirked and said sarcastically, “Nah.. not you.”
Posted on April 3, 2007 at 9:18 pm
Ronni said:
Yep, there is nothing worse than trying to say hello and getting a limp handshake and they won’t look you in the eye. Oy.
Posted on April 3, 2007 at 9:54 pm
Ronalfy said:
I’d like to add something. At work, I often walk by people and give them eye contact and a little smile. Sometimes I’ll say, “Good morning” or, “Hello.”
I used to take it personal when I would walk by somebody and say hello and that person would just keep walking and not say anything. However, the more I have talked to other people (who have experienced the same treatment), the more I have realized that not all people are very social or polite.
Posted on April 3, 2007 at 9:58 pm
Sharon said:
One year in high school we had “social skill of the week” and a good handshake was one of them. Everybody at school then had a lovely handshake. I love the whole smile and handshake greeting. Sometimes a touch seems so personable and friendly.
@Ronalfy: I’d sympathize with you. I’ve felt the same way.
Posted on April 3, 2007 at 10:57 pm
loud said:
Thanks, Mom! I’ll make sure to not slouch when I sit, either.
Yeah, my handshake is solid.
Shawn, do you know any cool guitar guys around IHOP who blog?? I need brothers whom I can say stuff like, “Dude, I just got this MIJ CE-1 off Ebay for under $200!!” and they’ll respond affirmatively
Not that I’d mind talking to you about Pork Pie snares, but guitar is my true second love.
Posted on April 3, 2007 at 11:04 pm
Ducky said:
Whenever I go on job interviews or meet someone for the first time, I give them a good solid handshake, look them in the eye, and smile. But I tend to do the thousand-yard stare in the prayer room and the hallways at IHOP because I am a socially awkward introvert.
Douglas Adams perfectly pinpointed the feeling that I get when I see someone I know in the distance: “The moment at which two people, approaching from opposite ends of a long passageway, recognize each other and immediately pretend they haven’t. This is to avoid the ghastly embarrassment of having to continue recognizing each other the whole length of the corridor.” I mean, what do you do in that situation? Do you hold a loud conversation from the opposite ends of the hallway until you eventually meet in the middle? Do you stare at them the whole way until you get within speaking range? Do you ignore them, as I do, out of sheer desperation? Or do you advance down the hallway with your hand straight out in front of you all the while, lining up for a good, solid handshake?
Posted on April 3, 2007 at 11:14 pm
Ronalfy said:
@Ducky,
I usually give a good salute (using my index+middle finger) at my temple and a nod. When the person is within 5+ feet, I either say hello, give them eye contact, or just breeze on by.
Posted on April 3, 2007 at 11:17 pm
Molly Mosack said:
Ducky - I’ve tried all of those approaches, depending on my mood, and they are all awkward! I’m glad you feel the same way.
Posted on April 4, 2007 at 12:01 am
Aaron said:
hmm, reminds me of a church i used to go to when i was little, the minister would stand at the door and give a crushing handshake as we left. gave me resentment towards churches for years.
I am happy to say I have since gone through inner healing on this issue.
Posted on April 4, 2007 at 1:23 am
Liam said:
I completely agree that a good solid handshake and eye contact can go a long way, I cant stand those wierd limp handshakes ugh!…also I used to have a landlord (until about 3 weeks ago!) who would never look me in the eye which was wierd and made me feel awkward and suspicious of them.
Posted on April 4, 2007 at 2:27 am
Chana said:
I am on board with handshakes and eye contact because I tend to be in business environments. Also, depending on the situation, I think it is important just to acknowledge the other, so a glance with any positive gesture may be just as well.
As for awkwardness, what helps me is to smile, nod, and also use body language to indicate my change in direction, or that I may not be meeting up with them. Even if someone is walking toward me, I am relieved of the anxiety of “what now?” having tactfully (and that is key) alerted the person that I proceed, but am not trying to brush them off.
This is helpful, too, so that I do not take offense. Receiving only a brief look or nothing at all, I assume the other is ’somewhere’ else, and that is all.
Posted on April 4, 2007 at 4:15 am
Matthew Berry said:
As a rule of thumb, make eye contact and let there be life in your handshake.
The dead fish handshake (i.e. no eye contact and a cold, lifeless, balmy hand) is just that — DEAD.
Try spicing things up with a stronger grip, allowing the handshake to be an affirmation of your presence and willingness to engage the other person in conversation.
Funny story:
I met a guy once who would greet you from across the room, extend his hand to shake, and walk 20-30 until his hand met my hand. How weird to see him walk across the room with hand outstretched!!
Posted on April 4, 2007 at 5:50 am
{Shawn} said:
@ Ronalfy: You can give a nice grip without having to go bonkers. And next time you walk by someone and they don’t respond just say “Big gulps, eh?”
@ Ronni: I call that the ‘dead fish.’
@ Ducky: I love your Douglas Adams quote. It’s so true.
Posted on April 4, 2007 at 6:16 am
Aidan L said:
I am one to give a solid hand shake and a smile, I don’t like to go so hard that their arm is pulled out of their socket but I always ensure that it is solid enough. A solid handshake and a smile definitely goes a long way.
Posted on April 4, 2007 at 7:31 am
JoAnna said:
Not one to ever be shy, I always look people in the eye and at least smile. I try to understand that people are not outgoing or might be mentally somewhere else, but some people just look downright mad and unfriendly. I’ve even noticed this at IHOP lately and thought, “what on earth?”. I would think that in places where we are all in love with Jesus, people could at least not look like everyone they know just told them to ‘curse God and die’. (This is about church/ IHOP/ anywhere really) I know I’m one of those overly bright and cheery people, but still. Handshake? Some people look like their whole body is a dead fish.
Posted on April 4, 2007 at 7:47 am
Josh said:
@ Ducky: You made me laugh out loud.
On handshakes, I think some people give a solid handshake to exert a little of the “I’m professional” attitude. Sometimes that seems cocky to me. In the past year, I’ve been introduced to circles with many multi-millionaires. Incredible people. I don’t remember any of them giving me a crazy solid handshake. They weren’t limp, more like kind.
So here’s what i believe the key is: give a good, non-crushing handshake, but leave the “control” of the handshake (if you know what I mean) in the other persons court. This will make them feel like they got the first upper hand, and their ego might just be boosted a touch. When people feel good around you, they like you. A “kind” handshake warms people up to you, a “professional” handshake may cause respect, but can also cause inferior distance. Kindness looks much better than professionalism around real professionals. I should have been a psychologist. I might say that many of us have strange views about professionalism.
If you really want people to feel comfortable around you and like you, then quit talking about yourself, ask good questions, and listen intently.
Posted on April 4, 2007 at 9:16 am
Benjamin Wood said:
I am a pretty good handshaker, i will not only shake your hand but your whole body. I exude music so my handshake will make you want to dance.
Posted on April 4, 2007 at 10:18 am
Idhrendur said:
@Ducky: I solution I’ve found (well, with a few friends) is to learn a little bit of American Sign Language. It works quite naturally at great distances. And then you switch to English at close range.
Of course, it opens up a lot of other awkwardness, but its quite fun.
Posted on April 4, 2007 at 10:59 am
{Shawn} said:
@ Josh: I couldn’t have said it better. That is something I have noticed about most ‘real’ professionals. They’re kind and interested.
@ Idhreendur: My wife was a Speach language major in College. She’s taught me some sign language that we use to communicate with pretty regularly. Mostly things like “Are you read to go” or “Do you have any gum?”.
Posted on April 4, 2007 at 11:57 am
Robin said:
@Ducky: I laughed out loud too. Twice.
@Josh: I love your breakdown of the different types of handshakes. It made me smile.
@Idhrendur: That’s funny!!
Hey! Did anyone else pick up on the fact that the first sentence of this blog is from You’ve Got Mail?
@Shawn: Is that where you got the idea from?
Posted on April 4, 2007 at 12:45 pm
Chelsea said:
Amen! I don’t usually do handshakes.. I go for the side hugs, and those can get bad as well.. I’ve gotten the “hurried” pat on the back, limp arm around the shoulder and so on.
@ Shawn: I have been profoundly deaf since birth and I use American Sign Language on a daily basis. I’ve used it since infanthood and yes, I do love that one is able to use it from great distances…Also, When I am in a room full of deaf people, I can eavesdrop on a conversation from 20 feet away.
Posted on April 4, 2007 at 1:38 pm
Jo said:
I love how we all now know that your favorite movie has GOT to be “You’ve Got Mail” !
I’ve gotten better about giving a firm handshake… especially since I’m a girl. And when we were in Sacramento, I TOTALLY got the limp, pre-mature squeeze… from a GUY! Come ON!
Posted on April 4, 2007 at 3:48 pm
Jenn S. (a.k.a. Ducky) said:
@ Idhrendur: I used to know some ASL. My brother and I would surreptiously exchange the “I’m bored” sign … which looks like you’re picking your nose … in church.
We were horrible little children, what can I say.
Posted on April 5, 2007 at 12:35 am
Elise e. Biesee said:
Your not talking about giving people your full attention are you? dum dum dum….nooooooooo
Or even worse…the stare down between two people giving their full attention.
Posted on April 5, 2007 at 10:18 am
Idhrendur said:
So much ASL…maybe I should consider leaving Southern California…
I actually find ASL to be a good language to worship or pray in. It tends to be very emotive (ad I struggle with that in English).
Posted on April 5, 2007 at 11:13 am
How is Your Blog Handshake? » Reader Appreciaton Project said:
[...] Shawn Blanc asked on his blog how one’s handshake was. [...]
Posted on April 13, 2007 at 12:02 pm
Bes said:
I have not focused much on the handshake, but everything that follows makes sure the other person knows I love them as a human being.
Posted on April 15, 2007 at 12:08 am