Now that I am no longer with Merchant Band there are questions I find myself facing.
Questions that I wish were settled but they aren’t. Issues that haven’t been worked out yet. Primarily…
…Do I Believe in a Nameless and Faceless Generation?
I’ve been here before. The pressing issues of unperceived ambition and pride are right back on the surface.
It’s easier to say you are not in it for money or attention or [fill in the blank] when you’re getting it. But now that I’m hidden, my real internal motives come screaming back to the surface. I am forced to ask the question “why am I doing this?”
Am I here because I believe in prayer and worship? Am I here because I want to see a lost generation find the Living God? Or am I here because I want people to know me and shake my hand.
This change is my door of hope
This whole season is masterfully orchestrated by God. He knows what’s inside me better than anyone else. He is bringing it to the surface so He can scrape it off.
The Lord didn’t lead me out of the band because He wants me to stop drumming. He did it because He wants my heart to be pure and spotless. He is more committed to my heart than my career.
I know God is committed to me - He will not let me live a life less than the fullness of His intentions. This is my chance to let the Word of God dwell richly in my heart and to be led in a path of righteousness. It’s all for His Name.
Theresa said:
We have been missing you drumming with Merchant Band, even though we know this is a God thing. Appreciate your candor about this transition. I for one, do not like change. I like my happy little world just the way it is thank you, nobody needs to mess with it. That being said, the wonderful thing about the Lord is that 6 days, or 6 months, or 6 years form now, you will be able to say, “Oh I see that now, God, that was why, (fill in the blank) happened. Thanks, God.” He will give you the grace you need in this season.
Posted on January 14, 2007 at 5:54 pm
Stephanie said:
It seems that hiddenness is a common theme around here lately. I have been thinking about what it truly means to have our lives “hidden with Christ,” as I too step out of the things that I have drawn my identity from and settle myself in the secret place where God is the only one to tell me who I am.
I like that you referenced the “nameless and faceless generation,” Shawn. A friend described what I am doing as embracing my place as one of those unknown people who are before the Lord without title or recognition from men, and the thought that He is taking me (and us) there is encouraging to me. Thanks for the candor, and blessings as you chase after Him!
Posted on January 14, 2007 at 7:16 pm
Yuri said:
Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. (1 Peter 5:14)
Good job Shawn, you’re on the right track. He will sort out the motives as you continue to walk the walk.
Posted on January 15, 2007 at 7:09 pm
Adam said:
Hey bro, this is good. I tell you we have all at different times wrestled with this one, only to do exactly what you say, push it down just below the surface while all is well until things get shaken up a little bit and we are reminded it wasn’t that far of at all. It is easy to preach on funding while the funding is coming in. It is easy to preach on “nameless faceless” while everyone sees ours. I appreciate this entry. I deal with this question more than I would ever care to admit. I tell you though friend, when a man is able to step outside of himself and see himself as he truly is, then it is prime ground for the Lord to come in and purify the motives of the heart. I am with you on this bro and will pray the closer you get to the fire, the more this world will burn away. The questions you ask we all need to keep in front of us. Be blessed.
Posted on January 18, 2007 at 4:08 pm
How I Navigated a Massive Change of Seasons | Fighting to Stay Awake said:
[…] with myself. (Yet that was the least of my problems.) I could feel the sting of my wounded pride (post) and I hated it. When the lights came on I found things in my heart that I thought had been dealt […]
Posted on February 26, 2007 at 9:40 am